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klatcsh und tratsch pictorium

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[02 Nov 2005|11:27pm]


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The Plague Doctor pictured with unknown boy. Government sources reveal that the boy placed a lonely hearts ad saying "I am looking for beaky love, please ring me" No toucans rang so he enbarked upon an affair with the plague doctor.
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[23 Sep 2005|01:13am]


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This is the future of lazy people. Margot here has embraced the future. Her knees are just for decoration now (which is why she had this season's marble quail eggs fitted to them), and she feels so much better for it. That face shield has a special button to turn it dark to block out the sight of ugly people who don't wear white jumpsuits. The goggles are xray and they think your underwear is a disgrace.
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[10 Aug 2005|10:30pm]


"Hey do you want to come to a party tonight? Well it's not so much a party as it is a few of us going down that well to see what's in there. Well just me actually. There will be jelly. If you bring some. Please hang out with me. My name is Ježíš."
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[19 Jun 2005|02:49am]

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the woman in red is consuela burdon-manley, her captor (seen here in white,) is one Margaret fincher.
during a drug raid in north Keswick (above the little maid tea rooms) ms burdon manley was hauled roughly into a store cupboard by mrs.fincher where she would be forced to survive on digestive biscuits. the police quickly and efficiently discovered that mrs.fincher was a woman of the cloth and brought a local parishioner to talk her out of the cupboard. armed with a hairpin, three rounds of ammo and an AK-37, mrs fincher was guarding a suspected £17,000 worth of crack cocaine. at exactly 17:37 mrs fincher lead ms burdon-manley into the centre of the heavily guarded room before dropping to her knees and thrusting a hairpin into her own eye.
she remains in an unstable condition in sporley marsh hospital where she is being treated for severe eye coma and unshakes.
when asked about her ordeal, consuela burdon manley commented-

"you try surviving for forty five minutes with nothing but digestives! if I were king she would be hanged and spat on!"

it was later revealed that ms consuela burdon manley was in fact leader of the dangerous 'hells pantry' drug cartel responsible for the rise in drug-crime in Keswick. she and finchley were secret lovers, due to be wed on top of the drug bucket that very day. no longer will that filth hole be their hallucino-love nest.
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[16 Jun 2005|05:52pm]


Joanne had always imagined the beautiful cake that she was going to marry on her 31st birthday. She hoped that her friends would be good matchmakers and find her one full of quality jam. On the fateful morning she was presented with Miriam, the ugly cake (she was rich, both financially and in fruit, but terribly ugly) and her life was over.
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alternate reality bus stop girl adventure [14 Jun 2005|08:02am]

[ mood | work ]

...und los...Collapse )

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[03 Jun 2005|01:33pm]

clarence the spaceman isn't quite sure how he got here; that is to say, he is never quite sure how he gets anywhere. he hasn't really got a space ship, but his cycling ensemble and cleverly disguised vacuum cleaner tends to fool the children. if anyone were to make a pass at gavin arvizo, it would almost certainly be clarence. he had always wanted to be a professional cyclist if he didn't pass the stringent criteria neccessary for space exploration, and the irony isn't lost on him.
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[08 May 2005|01:33am]


This is the front cover of a book of a true story. The true story is that they are on a dessert island made of 'rock custard'. Yes yum. Number 1 is staring at a far away point that he believes to be some sort of magic boat, willing it to visit their dessert island and rescue them from the impending horror of the inevitable custard beast that will consume all their legs and teeth and hair. The far away point is in fact 2 seagulls and a Quaver packet practicing their modern dance. Number 2 is pleased they have landed on the dessert island. Number 3 has begun to think the trees are his friends, now that the ocean is slowly walking away from him. Number 4 is thinking about which ones of the other 3 she would kill, shag, or marry.
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to start you off by emma & moshi [08 May 2005|01:21am]


Johannes-Albert would be very upset if you dared call him Hans or Jan. It must always be Johannes-Albert in full. He eats praline chocolates and dreams of a girl who does lots of piano exercises. He worries about his cuticles and wants to buy more bow-ties, and would never dream of wearing non-linen socks. He shudders at the thought of people who don't decant their liqueres into cut-glass bottles. The philistines.

He spends large amounts of time drinking tisanes and fretting about things. He is still working on the "novel" he started when he was 12. It is about the philosophical issues of a turtle racing club in the French Alps. Work is going slowly. He has a very nice monogrammed dressing gown and is very particular about putting his shoes on bespoke shoe trees every evening. He would like to take up country walking so he can aethetically admire nature, but he is too worried about getting muddy shoes ever to dare. Instead he buys calendars of nature scenes.

He is secretly in love with a girl named Josette. She has a long mousy plait and wears blouses with lace on the collar
and only ever white underwear. She has elegant ankles and wears little slipper-like shoes. She attends the music conservatoire, and keeps her music very neatly in a little case. She has incredibly neat big loopy cursive writing, and likes to hang around the 1st year's music practices to secretly laugh at them. Her main interest in life is picking at pastries in cafes and tossing her head.
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